Here’s The Profound Psychological Shift That Frees People From Perfectionism

This article explains what a perfectionistic person is, why it’s not as superficial an issue as one might think, and offers a way of approaching it therapeutically through the case study of Anita, a patient of clinical psychologist Paul Hewitt.

Anita was what could be considered a successful person, but as it turns out she was actually suicidal. She started therapy with Hewitt and discovered she experienced something in her childhood that made her feel utterly imperfect — her mother left her with her grandmother for a few weeks. For the rest of her life she tried to be perfect to stop her mother from leaving.

"An assumption starts taking foot: If I’m perfect, I won’t be rejected, ridiculed, abused — I’ll be loved and accepted. It’s an unconscious negotiation they make with the world: If I’m perfect, all this good stuff will happen, all these needs will be met — and their frequently difficult relationships with parents, siblings, and peers will become easier."

The article gives a glance on what could be a way out. Develop self-compassion. Imagine yourself as this abandoned four-year-old: What would you say to him? Probably something like wrap your arm around him and comfort him. The inner voice of a perfectionist would rather yell at him and kick him.

"[I]f you just lost your job or your relationship, what tone do you take with yourself? For people who aren’t perfectionistic, there will be self-criticism, but also self-soothing. But for perfectionistic people, it can be all scalding censure."