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Malia Politzer
Editor of piqd.com. International Investigative Journalist
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piqer: Malia Politzer
Tuesday, 22 August 2017

Living In A Void: A Heartrending Read About Life In Demascus For Those Who Have Chosen To Stay

In this beautiful, heartrending long read, Syrian novelist Khaled Khalifa chronicles what life is like in Demascus for those who have chosen to stay behind. He opens the article with a lyrical and emotional account of what it's like to wait, while one by one his relatives (starting with his sister) left Syria to take life-threatening journeys by boat to safety in Europe. 

He writes about walking the streets and coffeeshops of Demascus, eerily empty of people following the exodus of refugees, and the experience of attending mass goodbye parties for friends, family and colleagues nearly every day.  

Despite the dangers, and the loneliness, Khalifa has chosen to stay in Demascus. 

"why", he writes, "I don’t know, or perhaps I’m embarrassed by the knowledge that I simply want to cling to a place that has a smell I know well. Ultimately, these are the delusions of a solitary writer — one who no longer has anything to lose, having observed, at length, Syrians attempting to win back their country, then losing everything." 

He ponders the experiences of those who have left Syria behind — what choosing to be a refugee means for one's sense of self, that "abandoning one's identity is like ripping a heart out of a body", yet has sympathy for those who have left as well. He puts the exodus of refugees into the larger context of recent Syrian politics, and in the context of Syria's own experience with refugees.

His beautiful essay ends on a sad, nostalgic note:

"The rest of my friends are trying, by various means, to assure us that they are happy in their new places of exile. Meanwhile, those of us who have stayed are dying one by one, family by family, so much so that the idea of an empty city could become a reality within a few years. But I remain convinced that refugees lose their sense of identity, for they cannot obtain a new one or completely forget their old one. To be a refugee is to live in a void — it is to lead a painful life, however hard we try to embellish it."

Living In A Void: A Heartrending Read About Life In Demascus For Those Who Have Chosen To Stay
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