What To Say And Not To Say To A Suicide Survivor

The unexpected deaths of designer icon Kate Spade and beloved enfant terrible Anthony Bourdain have touched many of us this past week. The obituaries come in the wake of the media reporting increasing suicide rates in the United States. It’s more important than ever now to speak openly about mental health and what each of us can do to help people who are struggling with depression and anxiety. Many of us have shared our grief. But a lot of the things I have been reading in the media, online and in semi-public forums such as friends’ posts on Facebook have been less than helpful.  

I’m a suicide survivor, and I know that many people are at a loss when it comes to finding the right words after someone has lost a loved one - or even a person they might not have known closely, but admired from afar. So I want to share this one piece I did find helpful about what to say to survivors. It’s a personal essay by an author who shares her experience after losing her brother to suicide, but it’s also a reminder for all of us of how we can speak about death with kindness, compassion, and in a way that is supportive rather than judgmental.

Take the time today to check in with friends and loved ones. Ask them how they’re really feeling.

If you are in despair or know someone who is and you want to talk to someone, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US at 1-800-273-8255 or text CONNECT to the Crisis Line at 741741. Anywhere in the US, anytime.